Still In Disbelief

In 2005

I heard the unexpected news

of Greg Lefler's death.

His was not the first

early death

of those I had known

in my youth,

but it remains

the most shocking.

The Greg I knew

was filled

with a kind of life

I didn't know

and perhaps

only seem to

now,

although maybe

that's what it's always like,

as I reflect back now,

the small glimpses

we catch

of the lives

playing out

around us.

The last I'd heard of him

before that,

he was immersed

in a game I couldn't identify

until I looked it up

years later,

and I admired

that he had gotten

so caught up in it,

but in hindsight

I guess,

he'd gotten caught up

in other things

and couldn't disentangle

himself

except in the only way he had.

I still can't explain it,

I don't understand it,

and I wish he were still here.